I am having one of those days. I knew that having our family separated temporarily wouldn't be easy on us. I guess a gal just doesn't understand until she is right in the thick of it. I am cranky. And sort of lacking oomph. You know what I mean? I don't want to go anywhere, and drag two kids along. I don't feel like doing yet another load of laundry or dishes or cleaning (which, ugh, I seriously need to do so it's show ready). I AM NOT EVEN IN THE MOOD TO WATCH TV!!!! Gasp!
Here's my problem:
I feel like a teen-age girl. You know the one I am talking about. The one that sits by the phone waiting for that cute boy to call. And you wait, all night. And no call. Remember how rejected you felt? Except now, it's me at 40, sitting by my laptop, waiting for an instant message or the ringing of Skype. And that boy? He's my husband, who I should have no worries of rejection over. Yet, there those fears and doubts are. They come creeping up on me like yesterday's underwear. Why isn't he online? Why doesn't he want to webcam tonight? Where is he? Sulk, sulk, sigh, pout.
I know where he is. He probably fell asleep in his lounging chair, because that is just what happens when he doesn't have us around to keep him awake. Or, he is working late trying to finish a tight deadline and now he needs to sleep it off. I have no real worry or fear. He is a good man. But, a girl still has insecurities that can drive her to insanity. And, because I work at home, not to mention one of the kids home with me, I have no grown-ups to talk me out of a tree. If I don't have a chance to talk to him, then I lay in bed at night where it is real nice and quiet, the cat laying across my chest (reminding me that I am second best and she would much rather have the husband to keep her company), and I think. Way too much. About the move being a mistake, about whether or not our house will sell, about finances, about what to make for supper tomorrow, anything and everything that makes me worry. Who am I going to call when nobody is answering in the first place? Sulk, sulk, sigh, pout.
So, you guys, the elite few who actually read this little blog, are the ones I am relying on right now. I pound out my feelings and anxieties on this keyboard, some which don't get published, because I need to. Bring me back to my senses and help me find my oomph. I am too embarrassed to tell my husband that I am acting like a teenager. He knows how I feel about them... :)